“Live your life without regrets!”
We’ve all heard the famous adage “no regrets.” It’s a term so carelessly thrown around that it resonates similar to something like “no worries.” Claiming to live one’s life without regrets is quite the common moto. I often wonder if those saying it have given any real thought into its implication. I would argue that people who utter the words “no regrets” may benefit from a deeper analysis into what they’re exclaiming. To say that you haven’t a regret in the world is rather delusional, dishonest, and in some cases destructive. Let me tell you why…
Regret is defined as feeling sad or sorry about something you did, or did not do; to mourn the loss of something – to miss very much.
Do you really have no regrets? I would argue that you do.
We all have things we regret. Feeling regretful is simply acknowledging bad choices and wishing you hadn’t made them. Let’s be clear though: I’m not completely against being regret-free. I do think it’s healthy to move forward from your mistakes, not dwelling on negativity and anchoring yourself to the past. No one successful ever had a life filled with “I wish I hadn’t done that…” But I also believe that to become a person is to have healthy regrets – mistakes you reference for guidance. For one to claim “I have no regrets” is to unwittingly claim “I make no mistakes.” Since this couldn’t possibly be true for a human being, it is rather delusional to think of oneself as essentially perfect.
To become a matured, developed person one has to have meaningful life experiences to draw upon. We only grow under resistance. With no resistance, the muscle that is our mind atrophies. Living through hardships is a reality of every persons’s life. Although unpleasant, and sometimes difficult to overcome, we must push through adversity to become stronger mentally.
Everybody experiences adversity at some point in their life!
Living is simply a series of billions upon billions of choices. We are forced to decide given only the mental tools available from our past. To deny regret is to deny the very tools we were awarded for persevering. This is why regret can be so important. It acts as the beacon directing our behavior. Don’t deny that beacon. Don’t live your life foolhardy. Be honest with yourself and remember your failures.
It has become common in our culture to refuse apologizing. Many people view the simple act of saying “sorry” as a form of weakness. I have personally encountered people of this mindset; people who refused, under every circumstance, to admit feeling bad about their negative impact. This is no doubt a catalyst to the moto of “no regrets.” What worries me is the damage this kind of attitude can have on our society. There is no shame in saying “I’m sorry.” To acknowledge your mistake and its impact on others, you expand yourself well beyond the lesser person who feels he/she cannot possibly be wrong. The person who regrets nothing is the person without humility. There are few things more juvenile than an adult who cannot admit their own wrongdoing.
Drawing on my own experience, I can tell you that I have regrets.
Several years ago I made a decision to work for a private security company in Afghanistan. Taking this job meant several things: leaving my pregnant wife and newborn child, putting school on hold, and missing my friends wedding. The job was something I had been wanting to do for years since I discharged from the military. I had applied about a year prior and missed my shot. An opportunity was calling and I made the decision to take it. I was gone for a full year, only seeing my family for a measly eighteen days. I regret missing a year of my little girl’s life for my own selfish reasons. I missed my friend’s wedding – something I still feel badly about. And I put a serious emotional strain on my wife which has taken us years to mend. What weighs heaviest on me though, is missing the birth of my second daughter. You better believe I regret that.
But although I impacted certain things negatively, I do NOT regret the choice I made in going. I was able to meet incredible people, make very good money, experience the para-military life that I had been yearning for, and learn things about myself that staying home could not have shown me. The emotional strain I put on my marriage has proven beneficial to my wife and I. We have both grown and strengthened our marriage to a level I do not believe possible, had I stayed home. Upon my return, we purchased our first house – something that would have been much more difficult had I not been employed with this company.
Too much regret is unhealthy. But to deny regret all-together is foolish. I say use your regret like a tool. Keep regret fresh in your mind as a reminder and guide – just remember to be cautious of its proximity. For a life without regrets is either a life not lived, or a fools disguise of a life not worth living.
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